Do I Spend More Time Thinking About the Future or the Past?

At 56 years old, I carry a lot of history. Some of it is beautiful. Some of it is heavy. Some of it still catches me off guard when I slow down long enough to feel it. That is simply what happens when you live long enough to love deeply, to risk faithfully, and to keep going when stopping would have been easier.

The older you get, the more history you carry. And the more history you carry, the easier it becomes to believe that yesterday governs tomorrow.

I don’t believe that.

I’ve lived through leukemia. I’ve walked through seasons where my body failed me and the future felt uncertain. My wife and I have buried dreams that never took a breath, losing a child (maybe two) in the womb, and learning a kind of grief that never really leaves; it just changes shape. We have lost everything financially and had to rebuild from places that felt empty and exposed. I’ve watched my children struggle, wrestle, hurt, and question. And I’ve also stood in awe of who they are becoming, witnessing moments of joy, resilience, and strength that still humble me.

That is a lot of past.

But, I hope you will hear this… it does not get to decide my future.

There is nothing we can do about the past. No matter how much we wish we could change it, fix it, or rewrite it, we cannot go back. The more we live there, the less able we are to see what lies ahead. When we allow yesterday to consume us, it quietly steals tomorrow.

I believe the past has only two possible roles in our lives. It will either control us or inform us. Which one it becomes is not accidental. It is chosen.

That choice has been anchored for me by a verse I’ve carried for years – my life verse: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

That verse has met me in hospital rooms, in seasons of loss, in financial ruin, and in moments when I honestly did not know what was next. It has reminded me that the future is not held together by my strength, my past, or my performance, but by the faithfulness of God.

It is partly why I use the word “vision” (a lot)… I see tomorrow through the lens of the faithfulness of God’s vision for me… He doesn’t view me from my past… He see’s a better future for me… that is the beauty of vision.

Practically, Vision does not work backward.

Vision is not what could be. Vision is what must be.

The past exists to teach, not to imprison. If we refuse to learn from it, we will repeat it. But if we allow it to shape us with humility and wisdom, it becomes a servant rather than a master.

I learned that lesson in a very strange way.

Years ago, while defending my dissertation, I stood in front of the board and one of the men evaluating me looked me in the eye and said something along these lines, “Jesse, I don’t know of anyone with your energy. You are one of the most driven men I have ever known, but I have one thing against you. You don’t rest enough. You don’t reflect enough. You need to find the time to rest and spend more time reflecting.”

Without hesitation, I literally answered, “I’ll rest when I’m dead.” (Much to the chagrin of my wife and brother-in-law, who were in the room with me.)

That was my honest response at the time. Can you believe, even after my response, I still earned my doctor’s degree? LOL… Well, while my answer may have sounded driven or even admirable on the surface, I’ve since learned better. I’ve learned the importance of resting. I’ve learned the value of reflection. Not so that I live in the past, but so that I gain the proper perspective to move forward wisely.

Here is the lesson I learned: Reflection is meant to prepare us for tomorrow, not trap us in yesterday.

Scripture says it plainly: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13–14).

That verse isn’t a theory for me. It is a lived reality. It is obedience forged through real pain and perseverance.

In truth, much of my life’s work is helping people loosen the grip of yesterday. Past wounds. Past failures. Past shame. Past grief. I’ve learned that it is incredibly difficult to get someone to look toward the future if they are still chained to what was (yesterday).

The question that almost always opens the door is simple and confronting: Does your past control you, or does it inform you?

That question is for all of us. For me. For my family. For my wife. For the people I am privileged to walk alongside. And, dear reader, I hope you will take the time to reflect on that simple question…

Yesterday should never overwhelm today. And it should never steal tomorrow.

So, do I spend more time thinking about the future or the past?

My answer to the question, The FUTURE… Period.

I look back only long enough to learn, to rest, and to gain clarity. Then I move forward, strengthened by the God who promises to uphold me with His righteous right hand.

There is still work to be done. And by God’s grace, there is still life ahead.

Blessings on you, DRJBD